


i let the season change my mind

by algae_dad



Category: Glee
Genre: Acute stress disorder, Alternate Universe, Angst, Child Neglect, Consent Issues, Denial, Depression, Filipino Character, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Not Klaine Friendly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Racism, Rape Recovery, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex Work, Sexual Coercion, Statutory Rape, Unhealthy Relationships, and i also take a realistic look at how unhealthy klaine was, basically: eli raped blaine and through this everyone learns to care for him, half-filipino Blaine, i hate ryan murphy, kurt isnt like evil or anything, remember how sam was an underage sex worker?, what if glee did consent right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-07 04:43:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15211307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/algae_dad/pseuds/algae_dad
Summary: Blaine is fine. He's an awful person who ruined the one good thing in his life, he barely sleeps, he can barely eat, and he flinches when his best friend tries to hug him. But he's fine. This is what he deserves, after all, for cheating.or: Eli and Blaine was not consensual, Sam finds out, and while uncovering and dealing with the many other traumas of his life Blaine learns he doesn't need a relationship to be happy.





	1. headed straight for the floor

After checking the Grease cast list, Sam asked Blaine if they could hang out at his house; Blaine's still confused as to why Sam’s even friends with him after what he did, but he's not about to lose another relationship by saying no. So he lets Sam in the mostly empty house and leads him up to his room, glad that the other boy has already been here so he doesn't have to deal with the ‘wow your house is so big’s or the ‘why aren't your parents home’s. Sam goes straight to his mini fridge as always, not questioning why it's hidden in his closet, and grabs himself some leftover adobo before passing the sinangag over to him, which he digs into readily as Sam steals a couple forkfuls to go with his meat. 

Around a mouthful of chicken Sam says, “So this is that lack of appetite thing you mentioned, right? Why you're just eating fried rice?” Blaine almost chokes on his own food at the randomly invasive question, though with Sam he really should learn to expect bluntness.

“Uh, yeah, I guess? But I also have to leave food for you,” he jokes weakly, hoping it's enough for Sam to drop it and get to whatever movie he wants to over-analyze today. 

It of course has the opposite effect, Sam looking concerned and holding the container in front of him, “Dude, I'm the only one of us who's had two full meals today, take it.”

Blaine pushes the container back to him, “It's fine Sam, I'm really just not that hungry, and you love my mom's adobo.”

“Not as much as I love my friends not passing out from low blood sugar; c’mon, it's been less than a week since the break up and you already look like you've dropped a few pounds.”

“Maybe I needed to lose a few, drop it Sam.” Blaine snaps defensively.

“Woah man, chill out, I'm not like, attacking you I'm just worried,” Sam raises his free hand placatingly and puts the container back in his lap, “I really think you should take care of yourself better-”

“I said no!” Blaine yells, instantly regretting it. Ever since that night his emotions have been completely out of control; hell, he  _ cried _ while performing for Kurt, making him concerned when the last thing he deserved was his sympathy. Now, in a situation where he'd normally just playfully shove Sam off, his pulse is racing. The thought of being forced to eat has him breathing quickly, his brain running through all the ways Sam could overpower him, he knows Sam is stronger than him, if he wanted to he could-

“-aine? Buddy, you're kinda scaring me. I promise I'm not gonna like force you to eat, but you gotta breathe? Crap, can you even hear me?”

Oh. He's having a panic attack, or just coming out of one. He'd had a couple after the Sadie Hawking's dance but they'd petered out once he transferred to Dalton, and by the time he went to prom with Kurt there was only some residual anxiety. He pulls up what he remembers of his breathing exercises and tries to ignore Sam freaking out.

Sam can tell he seems to be calming down and backs off a bit, a million different explanations for what could be going wrong running through his head. Admittedly he doubts Blaine is having a psychic vision, but he's not throwing the possibility away just yet. In about a minute Blaine's breathing is almost back to normal, as if he hadn't just spent the past five minutes hyperventilating and unresponsive.

“Ha… Sorry, about that,” Blaine huffs out eventually, which is all the go-ahead Sam needs to wrap him up in a Sam Evans Bear Hug. Now Sam may not be the most observant, but he definitely notices the flinch before Blaine relaxes into his hold, because normally Blaine is one of the few friends that's more than down for his overly physical affection. He notices, and put together with the rest of his What's Wrong With Blaine list, a significantly less awesome explanation than latent psionic powers is becoming more and more likely.

As soon as Sam lets go, Blaine turns on the TV in his room, desperate for some noise and distraction from his slip-up. He channel surfs until he lands on  _ Die Hard _ , which naturally devolves into Sam making some of the worst Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman impressions know to man to the tune of Blaine laughing with tears in his eyes. And for a while, it seems as if it's all back to normal, as if they're just Blam vs. The World; as if they don't both know that something is wrong. Blaine tries his best to let himself enjoy it, even as his mind screams that he doesn't deserve it, that after what he did he doesn't deserve any happiness. 

All too soon, the credits start to roll and both teens are brought back to reality. Grabbing the remote, Blaine starts flicking through the channels again in the vain hope that if he finds something equally distracting Sam will be forced to forget.

Blaine, of course, has never been that lucky, and Sam takes the lull to ask the exactly the sort of question he was hoping to avoid, “What exactly happened with you and Eli?”

Again, Blaine gets the urge to snap, but he pushes it down. This is Sam; after Kurt, his best friend (and when that happened, he doesn't really know: one minute they were fighting over dance moves, the next minute Blaine had his first new friend at McKinley). So he sighs, “We had sex, Sam. I cheated.”

Sam blushes, and Blaine briefly entertains that maybe embarrassment will stop the awkward conversation before the blond keeps going, “I know that. I meant like, how’d you meet him?”

At this Blaine paused, briefly taken aback. “Oh. He posted on my Facebook wall, complimenting me and asking to meet up. I was… lonely, and I wanted someone to listen to me. I met him, talked and cried, drank some beer,” he snorts sarcastically, “a lot of beer. Then… one thing led to another, I guess.”

“So he knew you were dating Kurt?” Somehow Sam is managing to only ask questions Blaine is completely unprepared for. He'd been expecting Sam to ask for an awkward play-by-play, or ask him why he did it. Not this.

“I mean, yeah?” he drags his hands over his face before huffing out a laugh, “God, I talked about him for hours; I cried at one point. I cried… after, too.” Blaine chances a look over at Sam and sees more concern and questioning rising in his face, and he shuts himself off, “I'm tired, Sam; it happened, it's over, and now I just wanna spend time with my best bud.” He nudges Sam's shoulder with a smile and it seems to have the desired effect of ending the conversation in favor meaningless teenage fun.

They give up on re-runs and switch to Netflix, quickly settling on the John Mulaney special Sam's been raving about and quoting non-stop for the past month, and Blaine tries to forget the conversation ever happened. Sam does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been centuries in the making bc its so hard to characterize properly when the show itself can't manage to (if you're like, super into glee and think its a really high quality show this isn't the fic for you cause this is largely me venting my many issues with it)  
> this isn't like "kurt hate" but it is gonna get critical of him from time to time because as with every character on this show he can be kinda shitty, manipulative and self-centered in their relationship (im not saying blaine is a victim in their relationship it was unhealthy on both sides, he has flaws thats why i like him but as this fic is focused on his recovery im not gonna be tearing down his flaws)  
> Anyways, this fic plays fast and loose with canon timelines just like the show does bc i dont want to deal with actual plot im a h/c farmer. as always, comments cure my depression


	2. in this state i'm living in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for discussions of consent, a pessimistic view of the justice system, mentions of institutional discrimination

After putting his siblings to bed, Sam allows himself to give in to his messy thoughts. As soon as Blaine had come back from New York, Sam had been worried about him (sooner than that if he was being honest), and today only confirms that something happened to his friend. Sam worked in a strip club: he is intimately aware with the many different ways people can react to sex and sexual acts. He also knows Blaine, someone who freaked out at being asked to do sexy  _ dance moves _ , and knows that he takes sex very seriously. A one-night stand doesn’t seem like something he would do, and certainly not something he would try to brush off. His head is playing side-by-sides of Blaine’s jumpiness with one of the girls he worked with who showed up every other week with bruises even as he tries his hardest to push it away. He tries to stop himself from jumping to the dark conclusions some part of him has already made, because he knows he gets overprotective of his friends. 

While he has more experiential knowledge of the subject than most, Sam's emotions often cloud his judgement. It's almost like he's a teenager. So he calls the person he can always count on for level-headed, if often painfully blunt, advice.

Quinn answers on the third ring, “Sam, I love you, but there better be a good reason you're interrupting my eight P.M. cram study.”

He huffs out a not-quite laugh, “Yeah, uh, there is. I needed your advice?” Quinn notes the serious tone and prepares herself: with Sam advice could be anything from helping with his dyslexia to telling him that no, it wasn't okay that his patrons touched him when they were told not to.

“Go ahead.”

“B-my friend, his partner broke up with him because he cheated,” Sam is already struggling with how to word this so he doesn't betray Blaine's privacy while still sharing all the details, “but it really,  _ really _ isn't like this guy to cheat. He's always talking about how much he loves the person he's dating, always planning surprises for them, it's like his whole  _ life _ is for… this other person,”

Quinn can't help but be reminded of how Sam acted when they dated, with his promise rings and dopey smiles, “You know that's not a healthy way to approach a relationship; it's possible his partner was feeling smothered, or that your… friend felt he wasn't getting enough attention in return.”

“I mean, yeah, I guess, but this guy has always gotten mega pissed when people cheat, so I don't think that's how he'd handle it,” Sam is trying not to let thoughts of Blaine's unhealthy relationship distract him from… Blaine's unhealthy relationship. That's confusing, but he can unpack it later, “anyways, that's not what has me worried. Ever since the ‘cheating’ he's been all depressed and stuff, not doing things he enjoys, not eating or sleeping right, and when I finally got him to talk about it I only worried more. The person he cheated with was messaging him while knowing he was in a relationship, got him drunk and he was crying before and after having sex which I don't think is normal?” Sam is rambling at this point, trying to get all of his concerns out as if saying them will make what he thinks happened not true, “He thinks it's all his fault as if there weren't two people in that room, a-and he's been flinching at touch and randomly getting really angry then really sad and just. I think something happened.” He finishes in a rush.

When Quinn speaks, her voice is the steel he remembers from when she was cheer captain, almost begging someone to defy her, “Sam. I need you to be honest and tell me: is this ‘friend’ you?”

It takes him a second before he splutters, “What? No! I haven't even been dating anybody; no, no, this is really my friend who I'm worried about. Why?”

Just as he'd expected, she's blunt, “You have a habit of downplaying your problems to protect others. I was worried because, as I think you're aware, this is an issue of consent, which is something you've struggled with understanding in relation to yourself for a while. Now, for the case of you friend,” he hears the shuffling of books and pages from her end, and only now does he remember she's pre-law, “even without the alcohol, coercion could definitely have occurred. I'm not saying it did, but taking advantage of emotional turmoil like relationship issues is certainly not unheard of. With him being drunk: I don't think he consented, Sam. Do I,” Her semi-professional facade breaks here, once she's finished with the factual advice, “do I know this ‘friend’? Is he in glee club?” The possibilities race through her head, and Quinn shudders to think of any of her high school friends in such a vulnerable position.

Sam wars with keeping Blaine's privacy and assuaging Quinn’s worry. While she hasn't dropped completely off the map, she's definitely not very connected to McKinley anymore, so he knows that if he tells her it wouldn't end up back at Glee. But Quinn is more in touch with the New York group, and Sam doesn't want word of his concerns reaching Kurt. Eventually, he gives in, knowing Quinn has grown up since her gossip-spreading days. “It's Blaine.”

\--

Blaine's nursing his watery chai latte when a matching Lima Bean cup drops in front of his.

“Hey, Blainey-days. What brings you here, without your pet  _ Pagliacci _ ?” The owner of the cup flashes his self-satisfied smirk, and suddenly Sebastian is sitting across from him.

“That one didn't even make sense, Sebastian; that's just Italian for clown.” He mutters back, no real heat to his usual passionate defense of his boyfriend.

“Try an opera instead of showtunes, you might learn something. But seriously, what's up? I've never seen you here without at least five containers of gel in your hair or your boy-toy on your arm.” Even with his genuine change of heart after realizing he was a pompous and privileged douchebag, Sebastian hasn't quite shaken his rivalry with Kurt, even if they're civil for Blaine's sake.

Blaine mumbles something indistinct into his drink and woah, Blaine has never been a mumbler, his normal speaking voice can project across a theatre. “Come again, pretty boy?” And double woah, Sebastian definitely doesn't miss Blaine's full-body shiver at the pet name he chose, one that normal just gets him a good-natured eye roll.

“Kurt and I broke up, okay?” Blaine says quietly, still staring down at his rapidly cooling drink. The last thing he wanted when he went out today was to talk about one of the worst moments of his life with someone he has such a tenuous friendship with. Admittedly, he  _ was _ hoping he would run into someone he knows; his empty house somehow feels even bigger than usual, and for some reason having the whole house to himself is filling him with anxiety as opposed to the usual freedom he feels when his dad and step-mom are out. But Sebastian's inquisitive (read: nosey) nature doesn't mesh with Blaine's plan to ignore everything that's happened.

However, Sebastian surprises him, offering up a simple, “Wow, that blows.” before going on to describe how he'd had to fight a random transfer kid for the title of Warblers captain, which doesn't even  _ exist _ because “the counsel is still active, and I'm not even  _ on _ it. I think he just assumed because I sing lead and used to be as much of a jerk as he is.”

Inside, Sebastian's mind is racing. As much as he didn't like Kurt and Blaine's relationship, he fully expected them to get married straight out of high school and divorce after five years like the typical straight couple. While Blaine had kept the phrasing neutral, he knows instantly that Kurt was the one to break things off, and from the ex-Warbler’s general state of disaster, it hadn't been a good-natured separation. Then again, Blaine would probably have a breakdown regardless of how it went down considering how creepily attached he is to the countertenor. No matter the circumstances, he resolves to keep an eye on the shorter teen. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, or whatever their cheesy saying is.

“Hey, why don't you stop by Warbler practice tomorrow? You can watch me vocally demolish that Hunter kid, and Trent, Nick and Jeff are always whining that you never call them anymore.”

For the first time in the conversation, Blaine cracks a small smile, “I’d love to,” and just as quickly the smile drops, “but the New Directions hate me enough as it is.” He shrugs and gives a fake smile, as if to say ‘what can you do?’ which, what? Golden-boy Blaine not just being disliked by literally anyone, but accepting it without a fight? God, he had better morale when Sebastian literally blinded him in one eye.

But he doesn't say that. “It's not like they've got a tracking monitor on you, and you can always say you're spying for them.”

Blaine is already standing up from his seat, “I'll think about it, “he says softly, softly, with everything he does like he's afraid he'll break, “thanks for the talk, Seb.” The mentions of his old friends overwhelms him; it's like as soon as he and Kurt started dating, his focus narrowed almost entirely to him. He'd almost forgotten there are other people who care about him.

As soon as Blaine is out of sight, Sebastian pulls out his phone, taking a sip and opening up a group text with David and Wes. They were before his time in the Warblers, but from various alumni luncheons he knows them, and knows how they more or less took Blaine under their wings when he transferred to Dalton. He doesn't know exactly what to say (for him, a rarity), but he settles on ‘I'm worried about Blaine.’ 

\--

Sam lays wide awake in bed, Quinn's words ringing in his ears: if Blaine wanted to press charges, it would be a difficult case, as the criminal justice system tends to be significantly less sympathetic to male victims, especially gay men, not to mention that there will probably be very little evidence.

“And that's if he even wants to press charges,” she continues, but Sam stops her.

“Why wouldn't he want to press charges?”

Quinn resists the urge to roll her eyes, even over the phone, “Think about it, Sam.  _ He _ doesn't even think he's been raped right now, and if you do show him that he's been taken advantage of, he'd have to sit through months of court proceedings with people telling him over and over that it's all his fault, with people digging into his history and pulling out every horrible secret he's tried to hide in order to discredit him. So yes,  _ if _ , and only if, he decides he wants to press charges.”

She'd also sent him a couple resources to help him talk about it with Blaine: “They're from the sexual assault seminar we're required to attend on campus; some of the language is unfortunately very male-on-female focussed, but it gives good information on how to bring it up if you think something's happened to someone.” Quinn bemoaned that the websites weren't very dyslexia friendly, but he half-heartedly reassured her that it's fine, there's a Chrome extension he uses, and he thanked her quietly before hanging up.

All of the resources deal with someone who has confided that they've been assaulted, not with someone who says it was sex, so as much as he's grateful for the extra information and advice, Sam really only feels even less prepared to bring it up with Blaine. But he knows he has to. Blaine's worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna apologize for anyone who read the comments on that last chapter, mostly because I know a lot of what the commenter said edged into victim blaming and or was just really weird and uncomfortable to read. I'm fine with negative comments, but most of the time people on this site tend to keep them more polite which is why it surprised me  
> anyways, next chapter the things mentioned in this chapter come to a head and more of Blaine's background in this fic is unveiled. i recommend listening to this december, the song where the titles come from not necessarily because it's connected to this fic, it's just a banger. as always, comments cure my depression


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